am i a selfish or coward??

Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim.

I'm someone, someone who is trying to change n i want to change myself towards goodness. bein hampered by a lot of obstacles n devil's whispers, i'm still trying hard to change, inshaAllah. 

while goin thro e process, i realize smthg, smthg tht is always bein taught n emphasized in Islam, 'promote goodness n prevent evil'...unfortunately, i became a weak servant of Allah, a very weak one that can't stop anyone from doin evil n afraid of asking ppl to join goodness. i'm very much weak that i can't even say a word protesting it. 

"Whenever one of you sees ugly behavior or something unpleasant, let him change it with his hand. If he does not have the strength to change it with his hand, let him change it with his tongue. If he is not strong enough to do this, let him reproach it in his heart. The last approach is the weakest form of faith" (Muslim,Iman 78; Abu Davud, Salat 232).

O Allah, i am a very weak servant of Yours. i'm hating n hating it truly but not doin much in changing it. I thought i was strong but i was very wrong ya Rabb. my iman is in its lowest form ya Allah. i'm helpless, i'm helpless...

Sometimes, i feel i am so selfish trying to change myself while leaving others behind with their misbehaviors. at that moment, i feel so sad n start to imagine what if one of my beloved was e one i left behind. na'uzubillah.. but, actually i'm a coward person who is scared to admonish someone. 

While reciting e Quran, a verse came across;

30. One Day We will ask Hell,

"Are you filled to the full?"

It will say,

"Are there anymore (to come)?"

(Surah Qaf)

If the capacity of the Reward is unlimited, 

so is the capacity of the punishment.

Sometimes people make jokes about heaven and hell due to their

non-serious attitude and say things like, “if the majority is going to be punished then how are they going to fit in?” Allah is telling us

here that it is so tremendously huge that it will keep on asking for

more, like a live monster.

my tears started to flow, what if one of those who i left behind face this?? or what if i myself face it?? na'uzubillah. 

i know, i know that only Allah has the Power to give guidance to whom HE wish. but, as HIS servant, i've to play my part too. i don't know where am i leading with my this attitude, questioning myself, am i a selfish or coward. wallahu 'alam....

i believe i can do it....

i've to decide somethg imprtnt in  my life today. i don't wanna fail again. seriously i need e strength to do it again.
i've seen too many thgs in these 1 week at home, whc drive me to put my best effort in it.
i've to start it all over again, i mean e interest, e willingness n e courage.
i want to do it, i want to make it n i want to earn it.
let's have a flash back, approx 4/12 ago, what happened (@_@)


what life without fun, learning to drive is under the gun !!!
PLEASE DON'T FORCE ME!!!!

I didn't love it from the beginning

owhhhhhh nooooooo.... huuuhhh, i don't wanna imagine those experiences again...... 
O Allah, please help me to face it again n to achieve e best result. inshaAllah...........

this moment

Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim
In the name of The Lord, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

(i dedicated this page of my diary to all members of family 13th legacy)

my dear friends, i jot down this moment, particularly for the coming 13 hours, where our next journey is still questionable.
anything can happen my dear friends, things can turn upside down, Allah can twist everything in a second n the most important thing is our imaan n trust towards the Almighty.
i'm gonna remember this moment my dear friends; this moment where each of us crying and praying to the Lord for the success of everyone; this moment where we need each other to comfort ourselves, this moment where willing to sacrifice for e achievement of unrelated "siblings"; this moment where if we are given a chance to distribute our marks evenly, we will do it; this moment where i feel like wanna cry loudly for my friends regardless of their culture and background; this moment where i feel like i love all of u so much that i don't wish any of us to be left behind; this moment where i think that we are a family; this moment and this only moment my dear friends, where i hope all 132 of you will be with me in the coming years.

my dear friends, what will be seen n measured by HIM is not how far our efforts are, but how strong our tawakkal, unshaken believe and our dependence towards HIM. but it  doesn't mean my friends that we don't need to put any effort. try our best my dear friends. but my dear friends, don't ever think that our efforts going to determine our success. but my dear friends, trust that our tawakkal is only towards HIM..that's what going to determine our success my dear friends.. no one owns e success, but it is Allah The Only One who owns it.. thus my dear friends, we truly seek to HIM and Only HIM for our this success. inshaAllah my dear friends.