in the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful.
Friends, do they really exist in my life??? People all around the world are appreciating friendship very much, millions of quotes and memories are created for the sake of friendship and some are willing to sacrifice every single thing in their life for friendship. Unfortunately or may be fortunately, i've never experienced such thing in my life.
Am i an introvert person or avoidant type?? I'm not sure, for what i know, i gained only betrayal, disappointment, discomfort and so many undefined feelings through out the friendship I had for the past 18 years. Or may be I've never had a true friendship with anybody, that might be the reason I fail to feel or experience fancy emotions like others who came out with those friendship forever quotations.
Not to forget, there are some who took me as their good friend, alhamdulillah, i maintain to be a good company for them because I know what trust and respect mean but still the feeling or sense of friendship isn't there.
I am a type of person, if once I consider somebody as a friend then I will expect she/he/them to at least appreciate my presence. It might sound too demanding but for me that means a lot. So many friends entered and exit my life, but none I can consider as the best one. Some left lessons for me to learn, some left joy and few left stain of grief. And the worst I had are those friends who made use of me for their own self-interest and I was being a dumb not realising it. Hahaha. But it's kinda funny when you got to know that you were being a clown all the while.
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| by Saidina Ali r.a. |
Nevertheless, my life still continues because it is something normal for me, to be treated me in such a manner, or may be I deserve to be treated as such.
uhmm, why all these are happening? I should find the flaw in myself before i point others' mistakes. yea, may be i was not fulfilling the criteria to be a good friend. Or may be i had behave in a way that displease them. I don't know, i'm just too tired to think of the reasons. Not important cos they're not even bothered about this, so why should I uh?? haha..
But one thing I would be very grateful to Allah is that He sent few people into my life, I can say as my well-wishers. I pray to Allah that these people are rewarded for their good intentions and deeds.
“The longer you've known someone- the more history there is between you- the longer it will take to establish in their mind that you have truly changed. Remember, forgiveness is an altogether different thing from trust or respect. Forgiveness is about the past. Trust and respect are about the future. Forgiveness will be in the hands of others and can be given to you, but trust and respect are in your own hands and must be earned.”
― Andy Andrews, The Noticer: Sometimes, All a Person Needs Is a Little Perspective
Friends is a very general term for me, just like mates and colleagues. Again I would like to say something here, I might not be a good friend but inshaAllah I can be a good company.
I've hundreds of friends but with very few I share certain life-things and with only one I share and cry all my problems to, none other than Allah.....
"Nay, Allah is your Protector, and He is the best of helpers" [Sura ali Imran, 3:150]
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