Attachment @ HTAR =)

bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim
in the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

for e last 4 weeks, i've spent my days doing attachment at klang GH. so many thgs, i've learnt n so many thgs i've experienced. i'm wondering how to story all those thgs in this one page. may be i can write in this way.

~e hospital itself

walking quickly is a must either for a HOD, specialist, MO,
HO or even a medical student!!! that's what i did, walking
fast n act as if there is an urgency..haha =D

Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah (HTAR), a place where i was born in fact n admitted there once. i start to hate it when mom was admitted there for nearly 40 days. i never wanted too work there but surprisingly, i've changed my mind, i'm very keen to do my housemanship there. then i told myself, "never say never".. what changes my mind??  so many thgs actly, first of all, of cos bcs it is e nearest hosp haha.. then, e conditions n places there, which i'm used to 'em now, so less adaptation or culture shock. well, it's my POB, so have to love it anyways.

~HOD (head of Medical dept)
Dr.Tan, my first impression> he doesn't look as what i imagined, unlike Dr.Yusof (HOD surgical dept, my so-called distant uncle, who likes to smile always). i couldn't see any smile on his face, how should i get his signature then??? but my impression, again went wrong, dangg!!! on my last day of attachment, where i've to get his sign, he welcomed us in a very polite way. he offered us seats n had a short chat with us asking about this whole attachment. n he advised us, e best thng to do is attaching w a HO n learn e procedures n clinical techniques (which i guess should be given on e first day instead, anyway better luck next time haha!!)

~specialists
# on e very first day, Dr. Yong, an endocrinologist, gave a very sweet n simple advice > do not stressed out but enjoy e attachment, spend time during attachment in such way, 1/3 for learning, 1/3 for sightseeing n 1/3 for food (enjoying hosp food, definitely no!! haha). he is cool n cute!!!! that drives me, no too much book-review but reap experiences as much as i can. but sadly, till e end of my attachment, i couldn't tag along with him even once.
# Dr.Kathrine, such a nice lady. e first specialist that i tagged along with. she did told that she doesn't have enough time to do teaching. n during e rounds, she asked us to palpate AV fistula on a patient's arm, n guess wht, i don't know how to feel it n e worse part, i dont know why e pt needed an arteriovenous fistula till i came out with this stupid thought tht e pt might hv a distal artery blockage hahaha..shame on me, so stupid ws i, tht serves me right, for not studying before hand. (actually e AV fistula is an access for pt's HD, since he has ESRF). luckily Dr.Kath didnt question us on it, if not, she might get an heart attack after listening to my answer =D
# Dr. Wong, e best one i will say. he ws so enthusiastic to do teaching. seriously learnt so much frm him, during ward rounds n also during clinic hours. he did interviewed me why i wntd to become a doctor n he ws quite stunned with my reply i guess, it is a cliched answer though. what made me proud is, when he attended a pt, he asked me to open up my OHCM (which i kept in my coat's pocket) on scoring pancreatic severity n after i found that page, i passed to him tht book n he was reading somethg n explaining it to his MO n HO (i ws so proud of my ohcm!!! at least Dr.Wong appreciates u. now i know, u're a good stuff..haha). he is very friendly towards his patients n he will admit if he doesn't know anything, which is a good quality of a doctor -- not showing off.
# Dr. Choor, how should i describe him, doctor cum joker?? haha.. a happy-go-lucky doc, likes to laugh n entertain his HOs, MOs, nurses, patients as well as e students. he is over cool!! i bet his life is tension-free bcs he has laughter as his medicine. tagging along w him for e last day is a big n great experience for me. during e self-intro, he told this "why wanna do elective posting?? u just come n show me ur face enough la, at e end, i'll sign for u. no need to tag w me. what u wanna learn here (Dr. Choor in a laughing mode)". then when i told him that im just a 2nd year student then he said "aiyaaa, now ny 2nd year ah?? go back n tido la..watch harry potter dy ah?? (after a no reply from me) tonite go n watch harry porter ah

(again in laughing mode)". that moment, i can't control laughing too, he was like truly amusing n a very jovial type. n when e sister in-charge of e ward was suggesting e med studs to observe e nursing procedures (eg. BP measurements), Dr. Choor said, "no need la, these UIA students r complete package". whoawww??? doc, hold, i really dont deserve it. but his expectation n assumption r very positive. i never heard of any outsiders saying UIA med studs/grads r good, but he put tht expectation, so have to work for it, inshaAllah!!! along e ward rounds, i cant stop laughing looking at his acts, it ws so hilarious. despite joking around, he still did some teaching n asking opinions.


~MOs
a position where one is not superior yet comfortable. these MOs will follow e specialist during ward rounds n supervise e HOs during their rounds. if somethg went wrong, HOs would be blame n not them. but sometimes bad luck falls upon them too, n that moment will be disastrous for 'em. these MOs are very much afraid if medical students tag along with 'em n they don't dare to say anythg nor teach anythg. n everytime approached, they'll say > e specialist is there, u can follow him/her, he/she knows more n we're still juniors. damn, we're more junior than u, y cant u just help us out in thgs u know.. huuh.. anyway, they're not very much helpful but they're good doctors indeed, very dedicated n caring. wanted e best for e patients. yea, i understand, they're afraid that they might say somethg wrong n we students will bombard 'em w queries then. it's okay, at least i observe e way they did PE.

~HOs
god, what should i say??? they're e worst part of e hierarchy, sorry to say. once during a ward round, a HO nearly cried after being scolded by a specialist. n while another HO was presenting a case, he got scolded too bcs he miscalculate e pints thg. n one thg i noticed, they're more like scribes than doctors bcs they r always writting n writting wht r e MOs saying. but some r very strong n dedicated. they run here n there to trace this n that. they skip lunch sometimes n not to forget, they're obligated to attend e CME courses. no rest at all, but i think life still can go on if u enjoy doin ur work. n they too feel awkward when students approach 'em for tagging. (contraindicates with Dr.Tan's suggestion rite.haha). but i learnt history taking n clerking from them by just observing 'em.

~MAs and nurses
MAs r really cool n very approachable. they taught me e medical procedures, blood drawing, stitching, ecg, echo, injection, setting line or branula, emergency medicines etc. i learnt so much here in e procedure room. they r very friendly n sometimes it is nice to hv a friendly chat w 'em.
the nurses btw, good too. one of 'em told us, smiling is very important, do not show off n treat e patients as if they're our own family members.

~MS (medical students @ colleagues)
there r many other universities students did their attachment at HTAR. people always say that u'll know e true color of ur friends when u enter clinical years. but, for me, i dont hv to wait till this sept. i've seen some here. no need to be mention here, let bygones be bygones. but some r very helpful n not selfish. they're willing to teach n call upon other colleagues if there is anythg to be shared, regardless of which university r u in. glad to know them, hope can be their real colleague, one day.

~patients
patients are always patient. they're sick, so no comment. but one thg disturbs me till now. when i ws walking in e ward one night, a patient called upon me n spoke to me in urdhu (i was astonished firstly, as i ws thinking how he knw tht i cn speak urdhu). he said he is in pain n he need some medication for tht. but, i just told him to wait as e nurses will come later. i can't help him much bcs i'm just a student. i don't know wht is his case actly, n if i go to e nurse, im fret she'll scold me fr bothering her. so, i just left. i pray to Allah that moment, ya Allah please keep e pt away from pain, tht's wht i can do bein a helpless person.
another story, a colleague of mine storied to me a conversation btwn her n a doctor. she said e doc classified pt cme to AnE dept into two : manja-itized n MC-itized. e former is those who present to AnE w just a minor n self-limiting pblm, n e latter is those who seek medical consultation just to get an MC. haha. what a classification, but true sometimes. n of cos not to b forgotten, 3rd one which r those who really need help.
n taking history from 'em is anothr thg, they always deviate me n e history taking will end up into a family drama chat..haha..it's ok, they need a listener, at least i can help 'em in that way.

~the deceased
lastly about e deceased. i've attended a postmortem session. after seeing e autopsy, first time in my life as a med student, i strtd to gv a 2nd thought of bein a doctor, seriously. then, aftr a while of thinking, i strengthen my stand -- becoming a doctor to serve humanity. autopsy is just a small part of medicine practise, so not to be bothered so much.

~~ to cure occasionally, to relieve often, to comfort always, but never do harm~~ a wise man said it once which is very true.
if u cant heal or cure e pt, please comfort 'em n don't ever harm 'em. that's e policy n always believe that Allah is The Best Healer indeed.
my time has come, to be honest, i didn't make use of my attachment period. i did wasted so much time by doing nothing in e library (reading med books actly). n now, i've to prepare myself, physically n mentally to face e upcoming clinical world. inshaAllah...

If PoLiTiC iS a DiSeAsE, wHaT iS tHe ReMeDy??

bismillah-ar-rahman ar-rahim
in the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

(i dedicate this page to those who thinks like me > politic is faraway from me, so why bother?? haha)

what is actually goin on??? news A says this n news B says that.. which one is true?? everyone is having their own hidden agenda n propaganda.. n to know that, i've to first know what is politic as the ignorant are being manipulated.
 not trying to support or going against any party, but it's just my own reflection. been through some books, some historical stuffs n grabbed e basic ideas which i found very much interesting.


Political Science........
~ Many find politics as distasteful, inherently immoral or, at any rate, amoral. Misuse of power, influence peddling, n outright corruption r prominent features of politics. But we need not like e thg we study. Biologist may behold a disease-causing bacterium under a microscope. They do not "like" e bacterium but r interested in how it grows, how it does its damage, and how it may be eradicated. Neither do they get angry at e bacterium n smash e glass slide w a hammer. Biologist first understand e forces of nature n then work w 'em to improve humankind's existence. Political scientists try to do e same w politics.~


Personally, i too thought that i'm not going to involve myself into this political craps, but i was wrong. 


~ Politic is e study of "who gets what".
Suppose something utterly natural occurs, like a flood. It is e political system that decides whether n where to build dikes n whether n which of e flood victims to aid. The flood is natural, but its impact on society is controlled in large part by politics. 
How about science, bacteriologists squinting thro' microscopes? That is not political. But who funds e scientists' education n their research institutes? It could be private charity (e donors of which get tax breaks), but chances r e govt  plays a major role. 
When e U.S.  govt decided that AIDS research deserved top priority, funding for other programs was cut. Bacteria n virus may be natural, but studying them is often quite political. In this case, it pitted gays against women concerned with breast cancer. Who gets what: funding to find a cure for AIDS or for breast cancer? The choice is political.~


~ Some people dislike e concept of political power. It smacks of coercion, inequality, occasionally of brutality. Some speakers denounce "power politics", suggesting governance without power, a happy band of brothers n sisters regulating themselves on e basis of love n sharing. Communities formed on such a basis do not last; or if they do last it is only by transforming themselves into conventional structures of leaders n led, buttressed by obedience patterns that look suspiciously like nasty old power. Political power seems to be built into e human condition. But y do some ppl hold political power over others?~


~ Is power identical to politics? Some power-mad ppl (including more than a few politicians) see e two as e same, but this is an oversimplification. We wight see politics as a combination of goals or policies n e power necessary to achieve them. Power, in this view, is a prime ingredient of politics. It would be difficult to imagine a political system without political power. Even a religious figure who ruled on e basis of love would be exercising power over followers. It might be "nice power", but it would still be power. Power, then, is sorta enabling device to carry out or implement policies n decisions. You can have praiseworthy goals, but unless you have e power to implement them, they remain wishful thoughts.~


~ Other see e essence of politics as a struggle for power, a sorta gigantic game in which power is e goal. What, for example, r elections all about? The getting of power. There is a danger here, however. If power becomes e goal of politics, devoid of e purposes, it becomes cynical, brutal, n self-destructive.
"Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely".~

"If liberty and equality, as is thought by some are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in the government to the utmost." -Aristotle Politics

~ Aristotle said it first n perhaps best: "Man is by nature a political animal". What Aristotle meant is that humans live naturally in herds, like elephants or deer. Biologically, they need each other for sustenance n survival. It is also natural that they array themselves into ranks of leaders n led, like all herd animals. Taking a cue from Aristotle, a modern biological explanation would say that forming a political system n obeying its leader is innate human behavior, passed on to future generations with one's genes. Some thinkers argue that human politics shows e same "dominance hierarchies" that other mammals set up.
The advantage of e biological approach is its simplicity, but it raises a number of questions. If we grant that humankind is naturally political, how do we explain e instances when political groups fall apart n people disobey authority? Perhaps we could improve e theory by modifying it: Humans are imperfectly political animals. Most of e time ppl form groups n obey authority, but sometimes, under certain circumstances, they do not. This begs e q of which circumstances promote or undermine e formation of political groups.~

~ Each community need to agree on e best ways of choosing leaders n appointing responsible persons for running its affairs. Institutions n structures for this may vary from place to place. They must be developed in such a way as to ensure that e best n most capable persons are appointed to positions of responsibility instead of those who actively seek influence n power for their own ends.
Institutions must work on e principles of shuura n justice, unity n brotherhood. Cliques, factions n parties that promote division in e community r to b discouraged. In forming rules n procedures for community organisations n institutions, from e smallest committee to e most complex organs of state, there need to b checks n balances that control e arbitrary use of power, that ensure respect for e rule of law, n a free flow of information except in defined cases where security is at risk. There need to b provisions that ensure that rights of all r respected n that defined obligations r discharged.~

~ Human resources r arguably e most valuable in any community n society. Any community needs to be concerned to protect these resources, ensure their health, strength, dignity n general well-being, obligations n rights.
In the time of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), every able-bodied man was expected to be fit n ready to defend e interests of e community. There were no expensive standing armies as such. At e approach of any danger, the noble Prophet could call upon individuals with e required skills or mobilize e whole community to face threats of a more dire nature. It was a society where ppl were free to do anything that was lawful without any restrictions. There was no crippling bureaucracy, no stiffing legal restrictions. There was freedom to speak e truth, freedom to access to e head of e community, freedom to roam e earth in search of knowledge or livelihood. Ppl were not kept under surveillance, they were not faced w e anxiety of carrying an identity card wherever they went, their lives were not pried into, they were not suspected n hounded. They could meet n associate freely for mutual self-help n for peaceful purposes.
These r some of e ideals n practices that should be upheld n cherished in any Muslim community so that ppl r able to grow n develop naturally n support one another for e greater good.~

"There was never a victory greater than this victory, for when it was war the people did not meet, but when the truce came and people felt secure against one another, they met and indulged in conversation and discussion. And no man spoke of Islam to another without the latter espousing it, so that there embraced Islam, in those two years, (between the pact of Hudaibiya and its subsequent violation by Quraish) as many people as those who had embraced Islam before, or even more." -Ibn Khaldun

So, what is my conclusion n what's ur say?? DO THINK!! God grant us 'aql or mind to think, so let us consider this matter carefully n don't be a blind follower. n for those who are still blur, let's wait n watch, haha.. may Allah guide us in choosing e best option.

“Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin, and He forbids all shameful deeds, and injustice and rebellion:He instructs you, that you may receive admonition” (Quran, 16:90)

[ books referred : Political Science (Roskin M.G., et al.), Islam the Natural Way of Life (AbdulWahid Hamid), Glimpses of Islamic History (Irfan Faqih) ]

in a confused phase of life...... @_@

bismillah-ar-rahman-ar-rahim
in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

Holidays, provide us plenty of time to do lots of thgs.. vacation, cooking, hanging out, revising, bein online 24/7, tv, games, n many more.. but for me, it's quite different, it gave me a plenty of time to think, get confused n re-think. n that is not something easy to do as mentioned. some might say, thinking is a normal process, everyone thinks every time, so what's so special about it??
yea, that's very true. what's wrong with thinking, how's my thinking differ from others? i don't know, but i'm gonna say, i'm sure no one thinks like me..sorry2, i should say it in a different way, no one thinks like i do.

what am i actually thinking??? what makes me think?? who evokes me to think?? so what if i'm thinking??

i'm thinking of e past, present n future, thinking of my responsibilities, thinking of my weakness, thinking of my confusion, thinking of my sadness, thinking of my problems, thinking of my family, thinking of my life, thinking of my friends, thinking of my foes n thinking n thinking.. and sadly, the fruit is nothing but headache.

this phase of life is really confusing. some said e teen-time is the most critical phase of life. for me, alhamdulillah, my teen's life goes well w/out any hassle. but now, everything seems to go against me. so many people coming in n going out from my life.. some leave happiness while others sorrow.. some are confusing, some are brain-washing me, some are concern, some are giving hope, some are annoying, some are insisting, some are hoping, some are depending n some remain silent....

in one side of my li'l world, i'm trying to figure out how to improve my life while helping others n on e other side, these people are influencing my decisions n stands in life.

what should i do at this point of life??? whom should i trust??? can i just let the time to decide it??
i'm confused......................

"it's so like me"!!! sharing a recipe :D

a fren of mine asked me e othr day to share a recipe of an indian cuisine.. so, here am i.. r u ready??  hahaha..
~briyani
first masuk kn bawang, bunga cengkih, kayu manis dalam periuk (no oil k). then masuk kn ayam/daging. then, ginger+garlic (blended), tairu, serbuk kunyit n serbuk cili. add tomato. bagi dia, i mean meat tu masak. if daging tunggu for around 2-3hours for it to be cooked properly. if ayam may be 1/2hour, no? haha.. depends la.. pandai2 eh.. lepas dah agak2 dah masak tu, tambah ghee, tomato puree, briyani powder (either yg ready made or yg original one) bawang n tomato again, blended cashew with some milk powder (original recipe ni, we wont use santan :p )
last part, masuk kn basmathi rice n water accordingly. biar dia masak. last sekali masuk kn daun ketumbar n bawang goreng. then dah siap!!!!

sorry my dear fren, i'm not sure about all those measurement, kite main campak je n alter. try it, n hope u enjoy it!! kalau xjadi mintak maaf ye my dear fren.. n sorry gak if bahasa macam tak masuk akal, faham2 ye..hehe..peace!!!

sekadar gambar hiasan hehe..

am i a selfish or coward??

Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim.

I'm someone, someone who is trying to change n i want to change myself towards goodness. bein hampered by a lot of obstacles n devil's whispers, i'm still trying hard to change, inshaAllah. 

while goin thro e process, i realize smthg, smthg tht is always bein taught n emphasized in Islam, 'promote goodness n prevent evil'...unfortunately, i became a weak servant of Allah, a very weak one that can't stop anyone from doin evil n afraid of asking ppl to join goodness. i'm very much weak that i can't even say a word protesting it. 

"Whenever one of you sees ugly behavior or something unpleasant, let him change it with his hand. If he does not have the strength to change it with his hand, let him change it with his tongue. If he is not strong enough to do this, let him reproach it in his heart. The last approach is the weakest form of faith" (Muslim,Iman 78; Abu Davud, Salat 232).

O Allah, i am a very weak servant of Yours. i'm hating n hating it truly but not doin much in changing it. I thought i was strong but i was very wrong ya Rabb. my iman is in its lowest form ya Allah. i'm helpless, i'm helpless...

Sometimes, i feel i am so selfish trying to change myself while leaving others behind with their misbehaviors. at that moment, i feel so sad n start to imagine what if one of my beloved was e one i left behind. na'uzubillah.. but, actually i'm a coward person who is scared to admonish someone. 

While reciting e Quran, a verse came across;

30. One Day We will ask Hell,

"Are you filled to the full?"

It will say,

"Are there anymore (to come)?"

(Surah Qaf)

If the capacity of the Reward is unlimited, 

so is the capacity of the punishment.

Sometimes people make jokes about heaven and hell due to their

non-serious attitude and say things like, “if the majority is going to be punished then how are they going to fit in?” Allah is telling us

here that it is so tremendously huge that it will keep on asking for

more, like a live monster.

my tears started to flow, what if one of those who i left behind face this?? or what if i myself face it?? na'uzubillah. 

i know, i know that only Allah has the Power to give guidance to whom HE wish. but, as HIS servant, i've to play my part too. i don't know where am i leading with my this attitude, questioning myself, am i a selfish or coward. wallahu 'alam....

i believe i can do it....

i've to decide somethg imprtnt in  my life today. i don't wanna fail again. seriously i need e strength to do it again.
i've seen too many thgs in these 1 week at home, whc drive me to put my best effort in it.
i've to start it all over again, i mean e interest, e willingness n e courage.
i want to do it, i want to make it n i want to earn it.
let's have a flash back, approx 4/12 ago, what happened (@_@)


what life without fun, learning to drive is under the gun !!!
PLEASE DON'T FORCE ME!!!!

I didn't love it from the beginning

owhhhhhh nooooooo.... huuuhhh, i don't wanna imagine those experiences again...... 
O Allah, please help me to face it again n to achieve e best result. inshaAllah...........

this moment

Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim
In the name of The Lord, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

(i dedicated this page of my diary to all members of family 13th legacy)

my dear friends, i jot down this moment, particularly for the coming 13 hours, where our next journey is still questionable.
anything can happen my dear friends, things can turn upside down, Allah can twist everything in a second n the most important thing is our imaan n trust towards the Almighty.
i'm gonna remember this moment my dear friends; this moment where each of us crying and praying to the Lord for the success of everyone; this moment where we need each other to comfort ourselves, this moment where willing to sacrifice for e achievement of unrelated "siblings"; this moment where if we are given a chance to distribute our marks evenly, we will do it; this moment where i feel like wanna cry loudly for my friends regardless of their culture and background; this moment where i feel like i love all of u so much that i don't wish any of us to be left behind; this moment where i think that we are a family; this moment and this only moment my dear friends, where i hope all 132 of you will be with me in the coming years.

my dear friends, what will be seen n measured by HIM is not how far our efforts are, but how strong our tawakkal, unshaken believe and our dependence towards HIM. but it  doesn't mean my friends that we don't need to put any effort. try our best my dear friends. but my dear friends, don't ever think that our efforts going to determine our success. but my dear friends, trust that our tawakkal is only towards HIM..that's what going to determine our success my dear friends.. no one owns e success, but it is Allah The Only One who owns it.. thus my dear friends, we truly seek to HIM and Only HIM for our this success. inshaAllah my dear friends.