Sssshhhh.... It's my secret @_@

Bismillah ar - Rahman ar - Rahim
In the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Peace be upon Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah.

SECRET!!!! What is so special about this? Is secret really secretive? How many of us can really keep secret safe? At least our own secret?

Most of us can't keep secret, and I'm talking about our own secret here. We revealed it to others in the name of sharing by a typical dialogue of "I'm gonna share with u my secret, please keep it safe and promise me that u won't disclose it."



I'm sure most of us heard of this before in every part and stages of our life.

Let me tell you a truth, believe it or not, SECRET is a BURDEN!!! That is why we share it with others because we can't bear the burden alone.

And when we are sharing our "burden" with others, it means we have "leaked" our secret actually.  U see the connection?

And when we ourself can't keep our secret safe, it is not acceptable to expect others to keep it safe.

I'm not saying that we can disclose or reveal or spread someone's secret simply like that. What I'm trying to say is, if we got to know that our secret is spreading around, don't get mad at those whom we shared our secret with, but ask ourself why we revealed our secret to others at the first place and asking them to be quiet when we ourself can't do it. Imagine how someone feel to keep our secret which might be a burden for him or her. Of course, he or she didn't purposely revealed it, but certain circumstances made him or her to disclose it.



When we can't bear our burden, it is not fair to expect someone else to bear it.

Somebody asked me, "Isn't an "amanah" or trust when someone tells us their secret; so, of course it is wrong for us to break the trust or "amanah", right?"
Yes, exactly, I'm not justifying that breaking trust is correct, it is indeed very wrong. But my question is, when we can't keep our trust to ourself and running away from that responsibility, why burdening others by asking to guard it?

Remember, good or bad, Allah is always there to listen to us. Don't depend on human as we human are very prone to make mistakes.

Yes, it is shameful and depressing when people got to know our "not really nice to hear" secret, but isn't it discouraged for us to disclose our shameful deeds to others? We often forget that actually. And if our "nice to hear" secret is spreading around, aren't we supposed to be happy that people are conveying their best wishes to us? (put aside the jealousy type of person as they are not going to make any significant difference in our life).

So, decide... Keep it ourself; or if shared, expect it to spread!




P/S: this entry is not suitable for those who like to spread other people's secret for gossips purpose, and I never encourage anyone to disclose a secret or break a trust.
I am just sharing my views, so that we can think carefully the neccesity of sharing our secret with others.
Wallahu'alam.
May Allah safe guard us..


"O ye who believe! If a wicked person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest ye harm people unwittingly, and afterwards become full of repentance for what ye have done." (49:6)

"O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...But fear Allah: For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful." (49:12)

Love your parents, even if you have become one..

Bismillah ar - Rahman ar - Rahim
In the name of Allah the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Peace upon Muhammad,  the Messenger of Allah

Few months back, I saw an elderly man (by definition aged 65 & above) in a bus on the way to home from the hospital. I saw grief in his eyes, I can feel that there is pain in his heart. Don't ask me how 'cos I myself have no idea why I was put in such a condition. Walking very slowly with antalgic gait, both his feet are swollen most likely renal failure (I guess) and his right upper limb is paralysed. 

He sat next to a lady, and his seat was opposite of mine. Looking at his condition, the concern lady asked him

Lady: Uncle, Where are you going?
Uncle: To Klang
Lady: Are you going back home?
Uncle: "shooked his head side-to-side"
Lady: Where are your children uncle?? You came alone??
Uncle: "silent"......
Lady (to another lady sitting nearby): Pity him, seems like he is alone and nobody there to help him.

Watching the scene, I told to myself, "If this uncle gets down to the same stop as mine, I'm gonna help him to reach his destination". I was staring at him, thinking how hard his life could be. Suddenly, the uncle turned his head and looked at me. (You know, sometimes people can realise when someone looking at them for quite a long time, telepathy la they say)...
I was so stupid that I still  staring at him. Then I saw tears in his eyes, and in few seconds tears rolling down from my eyes!!! Allah... I just can't control myself. 

I quickly turned my head to the other side. My stop came, I have to get down now, I hope that uncle will reach his destination safely and I hope Allah grant him guidance. 

Few days after that, I and a colleague of mine were clerking a patient in the ortho ward, he was admitted for hip prosthetic dislocation. While asking him and his wife about their social history,  they started to story about their son who "abandoned" them after got married. They said that they send him to UK to study law, few months after he graduated, he got married with a girl of his choice and staying farway from the family. They just can't contact him as his number is always out of reach. Then this uncle told me something which really striked me. He said that once I graduate and become a doctor (in'sha'Allah), I will get marry within few months and then I won't be contributing anything to my parents who brought me up and wanted to see me as a doctor very much as I will be very busy in my new life. I was speechless for few moments (deep in my mind I was like asking this uncle, what's ur problem, u don't even know who am I, but it was just an internal monologue), then the auntie who was listening to her husband said that "not all children will be like our son". I smiled. I can say that these folks are definitely depressed with their son. 

I don't know why those two incidents hit me. I have to learn a lesson from them, otherwise,  there'll be no point in these things came across my life.
There is no way my parents gonna read my blog as they are not really into this technology thingy, but if they happen to read this, I would really like to tell them that I love them very much and I want them to be with me forever in this world and in the hereafter. I do sometimes rebel and go against them, but only Allah knows why I behave in such a way. Allah knows there is something in my heart that I couldn't express to my parents, and I really hope that it'll be revealed to them some day. There are some people out there ("they"), "they" say that I don't always go home, I am the one who stayed for the least duration with family compared to others, I took care of them very little when they are in need (those words hurt me very much, as "they" were never in my shoes and "they" have no idea why it was so) but I don't care what "they" think, as long as my parents understand me, in'sha'Allah I will repay my parents with kindness later. Na'uzubillah I don't want to be among those who neglect their parents once settling down in life. Parents never expect money or any shares from us, all they need are tender, love and care...... 

watch this if you are intending to abandon your parents later ;-(

"You know my name, you may know my history but you don't know my story and you'll never know my pain."

Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Peace be upon Muhammad the Messenger

Quite a lengthy title I guess. Well, couldn't find a better one to portray the exact picture of this post.

I know a person. Her name is such and such. She has parents and siblings, staying in the city with her family members, she is from an upper middle class family and currently pursuing her tertiary education in a very demanding field. She performs her prayers five times a day, she observes her fastings, she reads Qur'an almost daily and she observes her attitude/character according to the way of life (as Islam is a way of life). 

Fine, so what's with her?? Why am I jotting down her background details?? Here's my reflection comes. There's something I would like to share, my intention here is not for back-biting purpose or to down-grade any party, but this is a lesson, a different way of seeing one's life.

Coming back to the topic, I see this sister externally as someone who is lucky enough, who has both physical and spiritual needs. However, there is always tears behind the veil.

These are her words:

"I have family, yet I feel like I have been abandoned.

I have friends, yet I still feel the emptiness.

I always try to da'wa, promoting virtue and abating evil among friends and society, yet I fail to preach my own family members.

When people are putting beauty, wealth and status as marriage criteria, I said that I wanted to marry a person who can lead the solah and build a true Islamic family, yet my wish sounds awkward for them.

I told my parents that I wanted very much to take care of them after I start working, yet they're reluctant as they think it is not proper for a daughter to take that responsibility.

My hijab is being teased, my invitation to congregational prayer is being refused, my advice towards the betterment is taken for granted, and in worse case scenario my past bad deeds are being highlighted if I start to speak on changing to a better Muslim.

My needs are understandable, yet no one understand me.

All these were bearable until at one point, I burst, I cried a lot, I cried to Allah, I realize that there is no one for me except Allah, my parents are being helpless for some reasons even though they are happy to see my change, I ask Allah to take care of my parents. 

and, I ask Allah to take away my soul. I can't stand this world's amusements. There is pain in my heart, and it is unbearable. I know my good deeds will not outweigh my bad deeds but I just can't bear these anymore. 

Ya Allah......... What I've just asked???? Did I forget that Allah has promised that HE will not lay on us burden that which we have no strength to bear (Surah al-Baqarah, 2:286)..... Did I forget how Rasulullah faced problems beyond our imaginations throughout his life as a Messenger of Allah.... How could I ask such thing??? Astaghfirullah..... Instead, I supposed to ask Allah to pour out patience and constancy upon me, and take my soul in state of Islam (Surah al-A'raf, 7:126)

I hate when I have to depend on somebody very much that the person taking control over me. And that's what happen, when it does, I will just refuse to accept any help from that person as I know my ultimate dependence is on Allah swt. And indeed HE showed me the path and gave me enough courage, alhamdulillah, seek Him, He will help you."

Masha'Allah... I was speechless.. This story made me realize something, helped me in solving many things.. I used to listen some news on how people without faith who are stressful in their life and has no place to feed their soul, end their life simply by committing suicide, na'uzubillah... 

Alhamdulillah, she is given the nikmat of Islam and Iman, which made her to recover quickly and seek Allah.. The girl who talks and laughs a lot and seems very happy, is also the girl who may cry herself to sleep. When I said this to her, her reply was "You know my name, you may know my history but you don't know my story and you'll never know my pain."

What do friends mean in my life dictionary

bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim
in the name of Allah, the most gracious, the most merciful.

Friends, do they really exist in my life??? People all around the world are appreciating friendship very much, millions of quotes and memories are created for the sake of friendship and some are willing to sacrifice every single thing in their life for friendship. Unfortunately or may be fortunately, i've never experienced such thing in my life.
Am i an introvert person or avoidant type?? I'm not sure, for what i know, i gained only betrayal, disappointment, discomfort and so many undefined feelings through out the friendship I had for the past 18 years. Or may be I've never had a true friendship with anybody, that might be the reason I fail to feel or experience fancy emotions like others who came out with those friendship forever quotations.
Not to forget, there are some who took me as their good friend, alhamdulillah, i maintain to be a good company for them because I know what trust and respect mean but still the feeling or sense of friendship isn't there.
I am a type of person, if once I consider somebody as a friend then I will expect she/he/them to at least appreciate my presence. It might sound too demanding but for me that means a lot. So many friends entered and exit my life, but none I can consider as the best one. Some left lessons for me to learn, some left joy and few left stain of grief. And the worst I had are those friends who made use of me for their own self-interest and I was being a dumb not realising it. Hahaha. But it's kinda funny when you got to know that you were being a clown all the while.

by Saidina Ali r.a.

Nevertheless, my life still continues because it is something normal for me, to be treated me in such a manner, or may be I deserve to be treated as such.
uhmm, why all these are happening? I should find the flaw in myself before i point others' mistakes. yea, may be i was not fulfilling the criteria to be a good friend. Or may be i had behave in a way that displease them. I don't know, i'm just too tired to think of the reasons. Not important cos they're not even bothered about this, so why should I uh?? haha..
But one thing I would be very grateful to Allah is that He sent few people into my life, I can say as my well-wishers. I pray to Allah that these people are rewarded for their good intentions and deeds.



“The longer you've known someone- the more history there is between you- the longer it will take to establish in their mind that you have truly changed. Remember, forgiveness is an altogether different thing from trust or respect. Forgiveness is about the past. Trust and respect are about the future. Forgiveness will be in the hands of others and can be given to you, but trust and respect are in your own hands and must be earned.” 
― Andy Andrews, The Noticer: Sometimes, All a Person Needs Is a Little Perspective

Friends is a very general term for me, just like mates and colleagues. Again I would like to say something here, I might not be a good friend but inshaAllah I can be a good company.
I've hundreds of friends but with very few I share certain life-things and with only one I share and cry all my problems to, none other than Allah.....
"Nay, Allah is your Protector, and He is the best of helpers" [Sura ali Imran, 3:150]

~A Story of a Single Daddy and his Ten Daughters.

Bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious.

pre-script:
[This is a true story, a story of mine of course. The daddy wasn't a real daddy, just a pseudo-daddy and same goes to the daughters and family terms used in this post. so it would be daddy, daughters and family instead]

   There was once a single daddy who was given a responsibility to take care of ten daughters for 10 weeks duration. At first, he was so distressed and very much upset because his effort to not to be "guy-alone" didn't work, but thank goodness, he took a very short time to adapt with the situation and fortunately all the ten daughters were comfortable with him. They became a happy family but their luck and timing wasn't very good.

   To their dismay, they went through a very bad experiences starting from the second week onward. So many things happened in their family life till to a point that their situation became like what people call as "telur di hujung tanduk". But, they didn't give up, they tried harder. Of course all families have problems, i.e. internal conflict among them, but then they still stood as one and kept motivating each other. The daddy remain calm through out the period of being with his daughters even though there were many voices saying to him "how would you survive with 10 daughters?". Sometimes, when his daughters get 'scattered', he'll bring them together and will always be patient with the ten various behaviours of his daughters. And most importantly he is the saviour of the family in a critical condition, he'll be the one who'll save them from the wrath of the outsiders. (yea, but most of the time, they did face the wrath and end up being in a shocked stage but still they faced it together without pointing or blaming one another)

    

      for decoration purpose only~

 
   On the final week, eleven of them were very happy because their family were the only family who managed to finish up all their 'chores'. And it was the time for them to separate. The final salaam from the daddy was so warm and all of them prayed that they will be successful in their mission.

   Each story will end with "they lived happily ever after" right? But in this story the ending was quite different. Allah loves the daddy very much, another trial was given to him, and this time he was alone.
Being one of the daughter, i couldn't be excited much knowing that daddy is in a grief stage albeit we daughters had happy endings. It was seriously very said when another daughter said to me "bapa kita la!!!"
But again, with God's grace, he could recover from it very quickly and could reach the acceptance stage without any anger and denial. That was what I saw, but his insight, Allah only knows. I'm proud of him and I appreciate all his hard works and efforts in creating a wonderful family surrounding. He did mention that while he is in sadness, he didn't forget those who need to face harder challenges. Yea very true, like a wise man said once "I complained that I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet." 

O Allah, give them all strength and guidance so that they may face the upcoming days with calm.
I know it is easier said than done, that's why I don't want to say much, each of us has a different way of accepting and coping things. But of course we need to hope that they can recover quickly.  May they see the wisdom behind each trial in a clear and peace state of mind and soul.

After all, I'm not from their own.

Bismillah ar-Raman ar-Rahim
In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious.

Why is this kinda feeling runs in my mind? Why am I keep thinking that I'm burdening them? Why do I feel that they can't accept me as what I am? Why loneliness still surrounds me even when there are many 'friends' around me? Apparently, I've no answers for all these questions which keep disturbing me.

Am I a complicated thinker or do I suffer from any form of paranoia?? I feel it, truly. Yea, I speak languages which are foreign for them, my choices of food differ from theirs', my taste doesn't suit them, the way I was brought up is also different, my way of thinking or mentality sometimes seem to be weird for them, my entertainment is totally strange for them, and I can't be or don't want to be like them.
AFTER ALL, I'M NOT FROM THEIR OWN.

But, one thing definitely  connects us, our Creator is One, our deen is our way of life, and our purpose of life is to worship none other than Him. That's the thing that comfort me at this point, no matter how 'alien' I am, but these similarity can make me survive till now. Grateful to Allah, He who understands His creatures and has provided enough sustenance for each of us, alhamdulillah. HE who created us unique in our own form.
O Allah, grant me peace of mind, peace of soul and calmness in facing calamities. aamiin.

yesterday, today and tomorrow

bismillah ar-rahman ar-rahim
in the name of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

three days ago, i met one of my dearest colleague, we were sharing our experiences in the wards. she told me that she met a cancer patient, and she was asking herself this question "will i cry if one day, doctor informs me that i've cancer". she raised that kinda question because she thinks that she might not be crying as she'll always hear the term cancer throughout her career. so, she might be desensitized with it and will develop immunity, thus feelings might diminish. how far it is true??

her question reminded me of my professor, who is also suffering from cancer. i've no idea how my professor feels, but i'm sure deep in his heart, there is this feeling of sorrow, for doctors are human too.
two days back, i watched 180, a tamil movie which portrays about a doctor who has a terminal stage of pancreatic cancer n his chief doctor gave him 6 months of time. the story shows how he would go through his rest of life. an interesting story line which i think can be applicable for my colleague's question.

i would like to share a poem here, which i think suits the story.
                   
                  "Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday
                   And today was such a lovely day,
                   That I wondered why I worried about today yesterday
                   So today I am not going to worry about tomorrow

                   There may not be a tomorrow anyway.                                        

                   So today I am going to live as if there is no tomorrow,
                   And I am going to forget about yesterday.
                   Today is the tomorrow I planned yesterday
                   And nearly all my plans for today did not plan out the way I
                                thought they would yesterday.

                   So today I am forgetting about tomorrow and I will plan for today
                   But not too strenuously
                   Today I will stop to smell a rose
                   I will tell a loved one how much I love her
                   I will stop planning for tomorrow and plan to make today the best
                                 day of my life.

                   Today is the tomorrow I was afraid of yesterday
                   And today was nothing to be afraid of.
                   So today I will banish the fear of unknown
                   I will embrace the unknown as a learning experience full of exciting
                               opportunities.
                   Today, unlike yesterday, I will not fear tomorrow.
                 
                   Today is the tomorrow I dreamed about yesterday
                   And some of the dreams I dreamt yesterday came true today
                   So today I am going to continue dreaming about tomorrow
                   And perhaps more of the dreams I dream today will come true
                              tomorrow.

                 
                   Today is the tomorrow I set goals for yesterday
                   And I reached some of those goals today
                   So today I am going to set slightly higher goals for today and
                                tomorrow
                   And if tomorrow turns out to be like today I will certainly reach all
                                my goals one day!"
         
yeah, of course we as Muslims have lots of other aspects that can be covered. people always say that cancer is a blessing in disguise. so, Allah is giving us time and chances to repent and top up our charity works  as well as our ibadah.
may Allah bless all of us in facing calamities. amen.